Most of us have been taught to ignore and repress our emotions, to locate outside what’s happening inside, to silence our bodies, to leave our problems behind a door, and to take every attitude, behavior or opinion as a personal offense. But it comes a time when we have to face the emotions that we have been running away from for too long. If we keep repressing, we will explode, our homes will become a hostile environment and our bodies, war zones.
We can accept all of our emotions instead. This means that we acknowledge what we are feeling, whatever it is, as irrational as it might seem, as uncomfortable as it might be. For instance, if we are feeling guilty because we are not as worried or happy as we supposedly should feel in a certain situation, we acknowledge that guilt. We stop trying to fool ourselves, we accept that we are feeling something and we cannot remove it, and most importantly, we do not shame or blame ourselves for feeling it. All of our emotions are valid and there’s a reason for them. Even if they are intense, they will not destroy us. They are part of us and they are just signals of things that call attention within ourselves.
Accepting our emotions is realizing that feeling does not give us permission to take actions against somebody else or to hurt somebody else or ourselves. It just gives us permission to feel without hiding it so that other people don’t feel uncomfortable.
Accepting our emotions is, too, noticing that we do not feel only one emotion at a time. We can feel many emotions at the same time. We might be sad, anxious, afraid, but we still feel joy, gratitude, and love. It can all exist within ourselves, our hearts are big enough.
Now, while we are feeling something uncomfortable, we can do the things that connect us with love and joy, not to distract ourselves from uncomfortable emotions, but simply to show ourselves some love. Those things can be very different for everyone: calling a friend, making art, cooking, listening to stories from your relatives, praying, gardening, giving yourself a massage. Find whatever fills up your heart and do not forget about your friends and family, hug the ones you can still hug, and call those whom you can call.
Accepting our emotions is, ultimately, to ease the resistances in our heart. The moment we stop resisting, we feel relieved, our feelings become clearer and we might reach deeper understandings. Pain is resistance.
When we open our hearts, when we stop fighting ourselves, we create space for light and empathy, so that when other people let you know of their internal fight, you will not engage, you will know it is not against you, and you can be water for a thirsty, exhausted heart. If you stop being at war with yourself, you will feel at home wherever you go, and those who interact with you will be reminded of what it is like to be back home.
Opening our hearts might not change anything outside. Judging and fighting will certainly not either. So, at least, we can make this experience a kinder one.
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